threaded

my clothes often have memories woven into their fabric
it is not my choice
but i remember certain times that i wore this shirt or skirt or bra
the skirt that im wearing today has the memory of my sixteenth birthday tied to it
a memory both happy and sad
and i feel that when i wear it still

list 1

things i liked about today:

the sun
my outfit
it felt like summer
that i helped my teacher
i laughed a lot
i finished my spanish hw in class
i listened to a lot of justin timberlake
everything is green

things i didn't like about today:

the wind

morosity

i wrote this last time i was sad

the words will hold that sadness

forevermore

each time i read the lines

the sadness of that night touches me

familiar yet unforgiving

like an old drug habit

but i will not give in this time

<3

my heart actually does skip a beat sometimes
i have an irregular heartbeat
and it is scary when it happens
the beat stills for a moment
a moment that i fear
i wonder if i am technically alive
for the skipped beat
because my body is still
isnt that what death is anyway?
eternal stillness

jail time

four hours
i am stuck here
four hours
in this library
four hours
not allowed to touch a single book
fours hours
of injustice

pierre-auguste cot

there are some things in this world that are so beautiful

all i want to do is stare at them forever and just marvel

like this painting:

him

i get feelings of dread when i think of him
which makes me sad
because i want to feel happy
this whole thing is freakin me out
and i don't like it
but maybe im just a coward
and too afraid to let him read the book that is my heart
my pages glued together with fear, anxiety and doubt
and i know his hands are soft and gentle
but this book is very fragile